Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
