He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
