Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
