A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
