i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
