brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize