whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize