i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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