there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The power of my boobs compel you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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