the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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