She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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