Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize