Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize