I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
