you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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