I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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