you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
