38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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