kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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