i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
