Swine flu is the new snow day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize