I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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