I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
