Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
