i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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