If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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