it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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