..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need a beard to bite.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize