words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
