OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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