Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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