I want to have your abortion
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize