I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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