i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
