lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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