It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
