Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
