so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
