I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
