He had one of those small greek statue penises
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sarcasm needs its own font
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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