i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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