Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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