so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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