I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
