So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
