I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
