he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize