I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
