im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
