Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
