I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
