lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
