Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
