whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
