mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
