is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
