I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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