I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
