dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
