don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
