I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
