a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
