remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I did not marry a roomba.
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