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I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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