i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
