..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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