1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize