he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
