so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
