so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
