His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
