Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
