I hate all girls vehemently.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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