Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
