i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
