Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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