i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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