Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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