Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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