Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
