We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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