1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
