I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize