There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
