if only i could text you this smell
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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