Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
