it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
