my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
