im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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