I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
