he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Are we still banned from the library?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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