i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
