Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize