from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
