Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
