Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
