watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Panties = found
Randomize
