Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
