Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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