I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
