im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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