your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
