this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
