She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
