Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
