We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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