All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize