I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
