I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
