Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
