I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
