yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
