I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
