**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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