Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
