non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
