Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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