he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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