I'm going to jail i love you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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