Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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